when i was young, i have always gotten what i wanted. being the only girl in the family has its advantages as well coz you get to be treated as the princess most of the time. however as we start to get older,we learn the hard facts of life. we cannot always get what we wanted.
this year has been real tough for me. the year that has started to run smoothly with hope and good fortune has slowly come to deteriorate. i've never imagined that at my age of 20 i'd be able to experience what i've through this year. i may sound bitter, coz maybe i really am but i have the right to say that i've already lost so much.
early this year, i've lost avery special person to cancer.i've often talked about the death of my mom to inspire and to maybe somewhat ease the pain that im still experiencing due to her lost. and now, i'm beginning to lose another special person to me. its actually only now that am beginning to realize that its really hard to love completely and end it just like that.
when my mom passed away, my world just got crushed. i love her so much. i dont know where to start in the new world without her. Then, i began to see things clearly once again. i began to pick up the pieces of my life and began to entrust my heart once again. it was so easy to face the daily challenges of life with a new inspiration by your side.
however, when happiness is within reach, always expect loneliness to come. They say that you have never truly loved if you have never sacrificed. i agree and i did. i've had my fair share of sacrifices in this life. i've cried, did everything in my power to fight but maybe this is just the way its supposed to be. so what im saying is that i'm finally giving up. the battle was long, i've had my ups and down. i'm not a quitter, i've never been and never will be but i cannot continue fighting for someone who's not willing to fight for me as well.
i'm not putting blame to anyone else but to myself because it has actually took me this long to finally realize what's happening. but i guess that's life...we havent truly lived if we never experienced loving, getting hurt and standing up again.
i believe that no matter how hard we try, we are only humans. there would always be a limit for us. and maybe...the time has come for me to finally say goodbye.

My dearest mama,

Hi, how are you now? I’ve written you a dozen letters that  yet I know that this one would be the hardest to compose. All of my letters ended in bucketful of tears and ironically I haven’t shed any now.

its been a week since you’ve been gone and I still cannot hide the fact that I’ve been missing you. Our new life without you is hard, Ma, how did you manage everything? All of the responsibilities are usually within ur arms and you never complained. You truly are amazing.

I’ve never been really close to you ma, and now I really regret all the hurtful things I’ve caused you. We’ve always been different, our beliefs and way of thinking always clash and we rarely understood each other. But beneath our diversities, the love and respect for each other is still there. and now I asked myself, how can I live with you? It hurts thinking that I would never have a single argument with you again.

I cannot hide the fact that I was really hurt. I really am Ma. You didn’t even say goodbye to me, you didn’t wait for me to come home. I was really excited to come home then as a new graduate and beamingly tell you everything that happened but you were already gone. Why did you not wait for me?

But you’ve been hurting too, weren’t you? I know you are. We’ve hidden the truth from you and yet you still believed. I’ve seen you grow weak, took care of you that sometimes I thought of giving you up just then. I know you’ve endured enough.

So I guess this is actually my goodbye.

Since we actually never had time for any.

May you rest in peace mama, I know you’re in a better place now.

And just like what I’ve said in my appreciation speech,

ANG KAMATAYAN AY HINDI ISANG KATAPUSAN KUNDI ISANG PANIBAGONG SIMULA. Life must go on, at habang patuloy na umiikot ang gulong ng buhay, patuloy naming aalalahanin si mama, hindi ang sakit ng kanyang paglisan kundi ang masasayang alaalang kanyang iniwan.

Goodbye mama, I know we’ll see each other again.

i love you.

You’ll forever be in our memories.

A litttle boy being asked wat forgiveness is gave this beautiful answer: It is the fragrance of that flowers breathe when they are trampled upon

***

juz got this from friendster.....

I've learned....

that the best classroom in the world is at the feet
of an elderly person.

I've learned....

that when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned....

that just one person saying to me, "You've made
my day!" makes my day.

I've learned....

that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one
of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned....

that being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....

that you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned....

that I can always pray for someone when I don't
have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned....

that no matter how serious your life requires you to
be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....

that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to
hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned....

that simple walks with my father around the block
on summer nights when I was a child did wonders
for me as an adult.

I've learned....

that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it
gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....

that we should be glad Allah doesn't give us
everything we ask for.

I've learned....

that money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....

that it's those small daily happenings that make
life so spectacular.

I've learned....

that under everyone's hard shell is someone who
wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned....

that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What
makes me think I can?

I've learned....

that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....

that when you plan to get even with someone, you
are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....

that love, not time, heals all wounds

amen to that!

***

a new friend of mine asked me this question: Do you believe in soulmates?
yeah...
definitely...
this might sound corny..even pathetic...but juz bare with me....
I've believed that somewhere in this world, we are destined to meet somebody whom we share an unexplainable connection...
***

I was juz reading shobe Justine’s bloggie about her own Korean Drama Life and was inspired to write mine too..hehehe..i’ve always been a fan of soaps, may it be the Mexican telenovelas, the American soaps and of course the Asianovelas which are invading our airwaves. But definitely not our own soap operas coz I find it too predictable and the storyline are all the same. It was like eating the same dish each and everyday.

Looking back, I’ve always played the kontrabida roles during school plays because they said I was “convincing” for the role, I enjoyed the role because playing the antagonist has always been much challenging. However, there had been times I’ve wondered how it was to play the lead. Maybe, that’s why I love writing stories about strong willed women because I’ve always pictured them as me. Hehehe….

So how will I start this Korean Drama thingy? Hmmm…..Title? should be catchy…My Purple Girl (hehehe..inspired from My Sassy Girl), hmmm….i can’t think of anything else…since my blog is entitled About A Girl, maybe I could juz adapt it.

The characters:

Thine: hopeless romantic, a sweet girl hiding in her bitchy persona, a walking contradiction, often misunderstood, obsessed with fashion and the color purple, NBSB, currently in love with “Justin”.

“Justin” (I don’t want to put his real name here in case he might be reading. I took the name Justin from Rain’s character in Full House because HE reminds me of him in a lot of ways..hehehe…)- Thine’s apple of the eye, a typical guy-next-door type, loves basketball and anything related to sports, shares a deep friendship with Thine.

C- a.k.a. Thine’s love of her life. Has gotten over him and is now her friend.

The “Spice”- Thine’s college bestfriends, composed of 5 pretty girls (including Thine) who share the same love for clothes, love, life and bitching around.

Carmie- Thine’s bestfriend, a simple and quiet girl, the total opposite of Thine, probably the one of the very few people Thine would entrust her life with.

Joy- Thine’s cousin, could almost passed as Thine’s twin. Sweet and thoughtful, has a great passion for love same as Thine.

Mom- Thine’s mother. Personality and beliefs usually clashes with Thine. Tends to be very conservative, but can be understanding nowadays.

Allan and Alvin- Thine’s brothers. Can be really annoying at times.

I love music so of course there’s going to be a soundtrack and I’m gonna sing some of the songs! Hahaha!

And just like every drama, there’s going to be some usual scenes. The Romeo-Juliet-family feud bit. The I-hate-you-now-I’ll-love-you-later scenes. The wishful thinkings. The dates. The drama. The conniving bitch.

Ugh.

I’ll stop this now.